Growing a team is hard (clarity)

I’ve decided to add more detail in some of the statements i made in my previous post about growing a team. I feel i didn’t clarify some things. allow me to shed any misconceptions if any.
1. My Team: early on I’ve set too high of standards for my friends though they had certain skills or abilities yet some of them didn’t have the energy to actually place their words with their actions. I don’t like too sugarcoat anything and when i do, I don’t feel like myself. i tell you how it is and its up to you how you interpret it. in the past I’ve quit on many things or just didn’t approach something I felt was a problem. Which was just my own fear of losing my friends.

2. Distractions: I treat everyone equally regardless of what you’ve done or my own views towards you. If you just set aside everything for a moment. look inside yourself… reflect and question what your values are in life. Once you have answered or confirmed your answers, now ask yourself… are you asserting your values in your everyday life?? looking back… I was a coward. i knew what i wanted, but i couldn’t step out of threshold that i had created.  i know this will come in time as well…. again… and… again, but i will remain vigilant and express my truth….my Dao. One thing people must keep in mind. you cannot escape your past, but you can change your presence Now to make a stronger version of yourself  if you express vigilance or awareness of what’s going around you and inside of you.

3. Growing up:   The term growing up has many perspectives, but a general idea is pretty much getting over something and move on. you grow more mature because you decided to move on. i see growing up is more of being proactive to change . We are all so unique and we have different methods that has worked for us. I say test things for yourself before making a snap judgement.

4  Mental Attachments: I’m grateful for the fact that people decide to even talk to me, look at my blog, comment or even make note of me. I see it as hey guess i’m doing something good. The reason being I don’t  attach myself with the thought of what others think of me is because it’s only a distraction with my life’s work. people must understand that creating a foundation… legacy… or community takes a desperate amount of focus and discipline. However, i’m not saying i should always focus on my life’s work. There are those time’s where you just want to have fun and live. not worry about work, what’s going in the world, just some little me time. Go to the  beach and watch the sun come up the horizon or just sitting in your chair and reading a book (whatever works for you). I take it to heart when i see people taking their time to chat with me,comment or even look at my blog. If i don’t say anything know that i’m expressing my deepest gratitude to you the viewers. I thank you

Growing a Team is Hard.

In my experiences I’ve always felt that my role isn’t to lead It’s to give advice or a better interpretation of something. When i’m given the chance to lead because others believe I’m capable of such. I usually back off, or say I could try. maybe It was because of my lighthearted nature and righteous attitude If you will. The funny thing was some of It wasn’t in real life, It was in the virtual world of video games. This always happens when I come on the game. people give me lots of greetings and then asked If I want play with them. Of course that be awesome, I say, then we all go an adventure into the realm of fantasy. The problem,which is natural at times, is when I decide to stop playing. I’d been getting distracted with other things. As everyone else noticed my absence. things started to…. disband. They stop playing… i come back and see that they haven’t been playing at all since i left. I get shocked, but I didn’t understand the essence of these experiences until I’ve decided to a lead a team in my real life. It was great at the beginning, how I’ve discuss with my teammates about what it is I wish to do, but I need help. I’ve Chosen the friends I was with at my previous job and a friend of mine who i knew back in high school. A team of 5. one who can draw, one who can program and design websites, one who can manage and create servers, one who has a professional sense and me… we all had this big goal, we figured how to start, but what kept us from starting was everyone. mainly me, I had too much on my plate that i could not focus on what my heart is calling me to do. I felt it… something seems wrong, but i don’t know what it is. The question kept coming. What am i doing wrong!!??? Distractions from women,bills,my job, my dog, my family, its like your just given responsibilities that you didn’t ask for i don’t… understand. Its a lot easier for people to solve problems they created vs problems others just… give you. The breaking of the team grew closer in time. I try to discuss through email about all of these things, but i didn’t understand why i didn’t receive that much a response. i perceived that i might need to talk one on one with everyone to see what they think. i understand if they got adversity in their lives as well…. i get it. so i waited until they were i guess ready. i didn’t see this before, but i know that was the wrong decision.. to wait. waiting on something to happen is very difficult approach for me because My logic is the more i wait, the more i don’t absorb, experience, do, share and the more i don’t experience the more i feel i’m not “living”. Even if you have problem in your life that shouldn’t stop you from “living”,, understand this… just because your physically alive doesn’t mean you’re living. i feel more Alive, when.. i just..look at trees… how the leaves bloom . why can’t i stop glaring at this sight? i get so…. immersed with the trees. The wind is blowing, you are surrounded by nature… it’s so breathtaking. i get immersed by any form of nature. Ah, the revelation of that thought, it just seems… peaceful. The team started to get more distance after i quit my job and went homeless and traveled around to find myself for about 4 weeks. people always want a reason on why someone did something. i don’t know… something told me i should do this. Go on this adventure. The things I’ve seen out there was just amazing, but that’s another time. people might believe that i’m a child and need to grow up. i don’t push away my childish roots because they are the essential energy you really need to bring forth the power in you. i no longer shine away from criticism, but i do shine away those who hate. never really got the courage to do what I’ve done.

Pleasure VS Pain

As you all have noticed, I haven’t been blogging for a long time now. It is my fault… I have gotten distracted with other things crossing my life. I had escaped something I actually enjoyed doing. this must be some phase everyone goes through around the age of 18-20 when you graduated high school or in college, or just have a job, Something. Now you are in the world with no exact identity you are now just placed here. You must decide from this point how you want to lead your life. You have the image in your mind of your future, you want to get to that point as quickly as possible, but you are aware that it will take time. However, during the process to that reward, you experience the boredom of doing something constantly over and over and over again. “Too much of anything is bad”. this happened with me. I want to learn everything I can about everything, but i feel i haven’t mastered anything yet to even branch off to other activities.
It starts out as just a dream… ohhh, how i yearn for the moment. i want to get there, but how…how should I go about with this?? maybe i’ll read something about it or ask someone. i just want an answer. The hardship is so grieving, I want to get out of it. I want to escape this feeling. I then hide back under the shell that I created for myself. My comfort zone, My safe place. Sitting in here doesn’t make me happy, its only a…. limited… pleasure. I workout on the odd numbered days of the week then switch to even numbered days of the week for the next. The pain I get from pushing myself… it feels great because I know it will help my character.

I see it like this, the transformation of your character has immeasurable amount of potency then what achievement you gained in your life. There is no position, job or role, that shouldn’t get the exact amount of respect for what they do. I don’t know if I will start blogging again, but I will still try to. people must take heed in order to become what you want to be. you must present yourself that way NOW, in the present. sometimes you have to trust yourself to get through the worst possible outcomes and realize…. you are not alone. if you seek True pleasure then you must endure pain. don’t expect things to happen so fast. people are so impatient with such things, approaching as if we expect grand results if we finish fast enough. I think mistakes will follow with that approach(especially if you don’t know how to learn), but my experience is limited just like all of us…who knows…. we are all different. Something a lot of people have forgotten. I’M DONE.

3 important songs in my life (free write)

one of the songs i stumbled across when i listening to pandora songs i heard this song called full force, by ramseee B when i heard this song my body just shook, my nervous system felt like an intense feeling. i had no clue what was going on.  i took the feeling as something my body likes soi i started listening to the entire song and from the begging got me going and then images form of my head it just spewed out of mind with “full force” when my felt some random burst of energy to do something. i felt all happy for some reason what like you know what why not??? just wing it. if you want to do something just  go forit i always felt so scared of trying tto get something through something i never done before,. i felt like i couldnt do it, how would i do, but i didnt want to fixate on these crap. then this song spewed and i was like fuck it no hurt in trying and when i actually attempted to do it, muster up  the courage to do it. it felt awesome an empowerwing feeling. so as of now i’m not as discourged to do what i wish to do or say something in  a meaninful  manner if that actually makes sense probably doesnt though i got to keep this frree write from going amuck but whatevers. 🙂 ok now on to the second i this song was the very first song i listend to when i first got into the techno,electric or dubstep music because at first all i listened to was OST music i didnt really explore anything else really.. 


the second song is called i flight faciilties  crave you avbout  i emean by advernture club my spelling , though but anyway this song was very awesome when i listened to i was in the situation about thinking what i wanted to with myself becauase i felt like i was decent at a lots like thast little sayoing aboput jack of all trades you know i felt like i was that kinda of guy. i never knew what i wanted so i just like traveling, working out loooking up stuff on dream and what not, something idk it feels like there isnt something in that occupations or at least i dont want to call it that i prefer just to have a postion of where i can do mutiple jobs like say your a stregnth coach or something, but you like some science stuff, physcologoy or gaming mixing it up together i feel thats the best feeling ever. this song is you usually the song i listened to when i’m looking up stuff or surfing through the net or playing xard games or usually lisent to on occassions i dont listen to these songs always. i just make them more of an essential song to listen too when i’m feeling a but more pump or something. 

The third song i would say 500 thousand twenty five minutes song idk why but this was a song i singed in choir concert and for someonee this partuiclar song will always be in my memory it was also when i had very great time with a lot cool people in texas the friends i made or associates in the long run after that concert was awesome. when i  sang that song with my 2 best friends i made in texas man that just felt great. it was in middle school 7th grade by far my best school year of my life. i just transfered to that school too which was pretty i cool i got to make good friends that some i still talk to today. singing does make me happy though espeically when it comes to your breathing and doing it with your friends. i remember making sort of rival andf friend in the choir group a named paul, MAN me and him challenged it outher competting to have the deeper voice or the best voice. we always have these little fun times together then when it came to singing we used both our voices to channel the energy we both had to the audience. it was epic i will never forget this conert when we blew them away. i was so happy so people in the audience came up to us and said they could hear us we sounded awesome. me and him played little jokes on each other ;p. having a little boast and then thank you and we all put it in the effort to make it sound good though. with enough pratice and work.  when you sing the song it goes from soft to loud then back and forth then decrsencdo  i mean the tone of the music which i like about the music as well i like doing the cresicnedos and decresecnedos they were to me what made the music more emporwing. 

Writing101: Cry New King Entry one

14 years ago in a tropical rain forest  in South America … The great Alchemist’s bastard  son was born during an ambush of their own people.. The alchemist chunk a  potion down the child’s throat. The potion gives the user the ability to travel from place to place by shouting and while having an image in the user’s mind.  The alchemist knew that it is forbidden in the clan of seekers to have a bastard child, but tried to keep everything a secret.  The high seekers were coming to take the boy away and kill anyone who defy their rule. The alchemist  threw the boy off a cliff. The child screamed then a bright light shines and then immediately disappears.



A lumberjack, whistling down a narrow road with his trusty sharp axe, ready to chop down some wood for the family.  he gets started chomping down woods and then hears crying.  he tries to indicate the source of the sound , then also hears wolves growling. without hesitation, he ran to the crying noise. he comes to the scene of a pack of grey wolves surrounding a child on a tree  stump. The lumberjack, leaps on the stump,  throws his axe down,spreads his arms and roars at the wolves.  He noticed a wolf that seems to be different then the rest. this wolf has a heavier coat of fur with a blue  eyes(the rest had brown eyes). The lumberjack focuses  his roars on this wolf. The wolf growled and then turn around and left. The pack followed. In relief, the lumberjack picks up the kid and brings him back to the lumber mill.

tree stump


(14 years later) Joseph carter, the weird  kid who just sits on a handmade chair(made by his father) looking out at the ocean. he comes to this spot everyday after class. Joseph’s older brother, Bever comes and gets him out of his daydreams and tells him to come for supper. Joseph doesn’t talk much about anything unless he is approached with a question or is comfortable with talking. During supper  when he is asked by the younger sister Lana, “why are you always quiet??” The mother, immediately told her to hush and eat her food.  Lana says, “i was just wondering is all. I just don’t see most people just sit there.”  The mother retaliated, he will speak when he wants too!! As they were arguing, Joseph noticed the strength that his mother was placing on her words. It resonated with him.  The Father stepped in the argument; “quiet down you all, can we eat in fucking peace!?” Joseph finished his food and rushed  upstairs to the attic.



He started looking at picture books of places and he noticed one in particular. It was a picture of an island he immediately puts himself in a meditation state then conjures  the image in his head and then shouts. poof… he wakes up at an island.  He runs around the beach, searching for some tree bark to build  a play area. He has made a friend on the island named Raja. She seems to be the only one here according to her and is happy to have finally met someone else. After he finished building the play area for Raja. The astonished look Raja had on her face was pleasant to Joseph. Joseph built a swing set,  a tree house with chairs, and a wooden knife for carving stuff out around the island. she gave him a hug and then pressed on to try it out. she liked it. She invited him to join her, but Joseph declined. He said that he must get back before its gets too dark. Raja looked upset, but she understands and tells him to go. Joseph smiles and says, “don’t worry I’ll be back”. He sits down and gets back into his meditation state and shouts..poof. To Joseph, the island symbolizes freedom. he feels more alive here.  Joseph feels this is a mirage of some false reality that he wishes to live, but in essences it is more potent than he knows.

Writing 101 Free write

When i wake up i always think of what i can do to make this day great, not something worth trying, but something i feel is neccessary to do. something that will help me find what it is i want to do with my life. its probably something close to me right?? idk i’m just trying to keep this words from falling apart so i say what first comes to mind. i really wonder where the virtues of the world will take us. we move on through life expreiencing new things and from those experience we would will grow from it depending on how we interpret the exprience it self. its seem more of a game though, these feeling we have towards the modern society. its feels as if they try to play some trick or game with us. to see if have what it takes to build something for ourselve or others in the world we live. idk i’m just exploring the options right?? thats what people say these days??? explore all your options, what about if we are done looking. maybe we already found what were looking for. no matter if it seems like something not as mundane or preferable to someone else. its whats you like to do right for living. doesnt matter what others think of it. if you are content with what you are doing with the balance of your body and mind (because those 2 can interwtwine and courrupt one-self judgement). i feel the air when i go outside, the leaves blooming. when i breath deeply i just feel so immersion with tree like we are connected somehow when i observe the world we live in i feel there is grounding connection with every experience,person, place thing, etc with prattically yourself and your virtue. your nervous system can assist greatly with knowing yourself. from my experience. i question our purposes sometimes that even though it is i game being played, most time everyone gives some bullshit everything is based an exprience ideas pull, interactions sequences immeresion with something i guess. then the question renains how do i profit or feel like i would have some vaule in explaining the feelings or my purpose to others who just dont get it. i say let it be. you said all you could to them. i say just do you what you can with them then whatever happens to them its on them not yourself. they made the decisions  that met themsleves with their circumstances. like the quote from emerson( dont remember words), its when the mother’s child isnt really your child you are the caregiver for that child. you give it as much love as you possibly ca but dont try to cloud the child with your thoughts because you have diffrent thoughts then the child. place your seed and love to the child then set the child free. whatever comes of the child is not in your hands. i probably should stop ranting now i tend to like switch stuff over and over, but take heed because they are generic to the same topic which would be life i guess, the universe, whateever you want to call it. yeaa… i’m probably done now…